well, the skin were a marked, dark, and sparsley bloody mess but i managed
to adventure down to that now ritualistic field across from my old high
school. a good mile of a journey but mad self-heroic by my lack of shoes
and socks. i suppose my psychosematic affliction was born many years ago
when i thought it best to put myself in what i thought to be publicly odd
situations. nobody in sight (my age anyways) wore anything but jeans. but
when i first set sight on those long pastel slacks, in that department
store which immediately became my personal armada, i couldn't see my life
being the same without them. of course the slacks alone didn't change me,
but they certainly amplified my urge towards sticking out of public as
much as i could. mind you, i wasn't on a mission for becoming a recluse or
anything of the sort, i suppose i just had a warped sense of what was neat
and cool. after awhile i couldn't bring myself to wear anything but
slacks. and when summers rolled around i certainly couldn't wear shorts.
slacks would always suffice. but a few years later, today, i felt an urge
to give my legs air. not only that but the shoes had to go too. if i was
to continue challenging myself to put myself outside of societal mores
then at that moment i couldn't justify the 'need' to wear shoes. nobody
really ever comes up and talks to complete strangers as it is. so i
thought it futile to keep dressing myself up for people who were only
interested in seeing me dress like them. and there i was in the field,
barefoot. not quite content with letting ants run free on my freshly
exposed legs, but still proud for having taken yet another step at
realizing to myself that i could make judgements and decisions separate
from society. in the north a falling cloud rained down separate from the
other distant clouds. a mixture of light rays and clouds at a 315 degree
angle against the horizon. the clouds were moving very slowly today. they
also seemed compressed against the circular hemisphere.
is there really a difference between clouds and cloud? one indicates an
existance of more than the other -- singularity vs plurality. but i
certainly can't distinguish a cloud as opposed to clouds. maybe a cloud is
the instance where it looks like one singular floating object in an
otherwise empty sea of blue. but what if the 'rest' of the cloud is
lagging behind or floating ahead at a distance we can't see? even when the
sky is full of white (cloud(s)) you can see gaps in between allowing you
to see sky. so in the instance when there is only 'one' cloud visible, how
can we say that there is not more lurking nearby, which of course would
mean that we base plurality on vision. if we see 'many' then... surely
it's just a lack of human eyesight restricting us from seeing the rest of
the cloud. so when we only see 'one' cloud maybe we're just not looking at
a big enough scale. if we were able to see farther off in the distance
perhaps we could see the rest of the cloud. i propose that there really is
no such thing as clouds, but only 'the cloud'. while it may sound hokey
and unecessary to even dote on such a topic, i think it says something
about humans. while we dissect nature with terminology describing
seemingly various parts of nature, perhaps it's just outright silly to say
anything more than nature. of course if we weren't any more specific than
saying nature, then the population of poetry would certainly be severly
reduced. or perhaps we'd have far more inventive and outrageous poems. and
the northwest portion of the sky is getting rather dark, sw still remains
quite light. although i must admit that i'm drawn more to the darker shade
that Tanizaki spoke so fondly of. indeed without a dark background how
could we even know that light is light, or how could we know without the
presence of light that dark is dark.
but it's certainly nice to see the silhouettes of dark blue with partly
visible ripples in the 'back' with even darker blue. and i can't imagine
that there's even been a greater contrast between light and dark than this
sight in the west. i wonder what it would be like to sit here in this
field with her and look at the clouds for hours.
as i'm quickly learning on my way back from my barefoot adventure, the
only consequence is nothing close to ridicule but rather sheer pain in the
sloes of my feet. shit.
