Secret Hours
________________(8 bit)_____
Finally ... I had thought the worst, but "Secret Hours"
disproves it - I thought I was done with composing for good.
Making "Secret Hours" wasn`t a pleasent experience for me,
composing never actually has been that, but it`s been getting
worse every time. There are many reasons for this in my belief,
but they all come down to this one single factor - Perfectionism.
I get really frustrated with myself, for no reason might the majorty
of you say, but the inside keeps on being unsatisfied with everything
I do, and it`s not just in music. First it felt nice, I knew that my
head wouldn`t go over heals, but now it feels as if I could only
exist and do nothing. It`s like a curse in a fearytale.
Basickly, why should I keep on doing something that won`t bring me
any joy, that won`t make me feel happy?? I love music, I really really
do, sometimes I live with`in it, and from time to time it grabs me
away from this hellhole which some of us refer to as "earth", but
I just feel so exhausted with all this ... and as I said before, this
problem doesn`t exist with music only, it`s the way I am with
everything - it`s a part of my personality, probably for good.
Bottom line? ... Could be that this is my last song, could be that
it`s not, could be that my next song comes out a year after this,
or it could come out tomorrow ... I need to learn how to live without
high demands and to be less critical with my work, and maybe after
that I can compose with an "open mind", but until that ...
... everything`s uncertain.
______
This song is dedicated to albanian refugees who were forced to leave
their homes at Kosovo and in some other parts of former Yogoslavia.
To the people that had to abandon their loved ones and family members
without any knowing what might happen to them, and to the brave men
who are willing to risk their lives as they are fighting for a better
tomorrow - fighting a battle against tyranny.
______
A little background on "Secret Hours"...
Actually, it`s an old song which never got finished (we all have
hundreds of those, right?) and had been "haunting" me ever since
I created the first few patterns - in late summer 1998. It was
ALMOST lost for good on the same autumn when I had an accident
with my HD (thank God for floppies!), and after many turns it`s
now finally finished. Sounds a little similar to "Inquisitor",
doesn`t it?
______
All comments and opinions are always welcome!!
Have an enjoyable spring folks!!
Acumen.
